Suicidal Thoughts

I hate feeling this way, I want my life to end now, just take it away.

The pain, the constant failures that consume my life on a daily basis. It’s like nothing I do is right

Look at me, alone on this bathroom floor with a razor to my wrist, one slice can be the end of my existence.

No one cares no one ever has that’s why people believe I’m happy, when deep down I’m as miserable as the day my mother gave birth to me.

I mean how can God bring me into this world and leave me to suffer and go through all this bullshit alone. Heartbreaks, mental and physical abuse, let downs, miscarriages after miscarriages, rape, lies and many many nights passing out from over drinking on a bottle I thought was my best friend,

because in the end my best friend she is the one who took my virginity, and said it was a normal thing.

Since than my life never made any sense, Everyone I let close to me stabbed me in the back, only how I wish the knife was really real, I would’ve been dead been gone, maybe than will someone mourn my life or care about it for a second

But who am I kidding, everyone else is to damn busy to worry about little ol me and what I have going on, I bet no one even would recognize my demise.

Fuck it, just slice your fucking wrist right their in the vein, make it quick because the pills are no longer killing the pain. Hurry up before someone walks in, you’ve only been sitting here for two days resting in your sin.

What are you waiting for the voice keeps whispering in my ear, your worthless, trash that needs to be disposed of .. and I believed it and wanted this to all pass.

The tears began flowing heavily down my eyes as my head hung low, through the blur of my pupils I began the process of my suicide.

The blood began to raise out of the small cut, as I slowly watched me slice my skin open even more.

Second thoughts didn’t really cross my mind, I knew this was it, it was my time.

Damn it this shit hurts, awe the pain was excruciating I really wish my life was meaningful and I didn’t have to do this, but fuck it

And that’s when I knew As my last breath i would breathe I quickly took the razor one last time and sliced my wrist open, last thing I saw was blood spraying out, my head hitting the floor and total blackness cover my eyes,

Finally I did it my life ended. I seen the light at the end of the tunnel and became over joyed, I didn’t know God would be waiting for me, I thought the devil was definitely going to greet me with welcoming arms.

But as I began to walk trying to reach that light, A message popped up before entering the door,

It Read:

“In life things may not seem easy and you may feel alone, you may not have the answers to all the questions but God sends you through hell to see if can weather the storm.”

The light quickly sent me on a journey of my life since birth. Things wasn’t easy to comprehend, some even harder to relive, some I didn’t see cause I was blinded, and I seen all the people who did love me but I pushed away, and the light quickly reminded me that life is all about obstacles,

And how you arise.

But it was too late, at the top of my lungs I yelled at that light “It’s too late,” why didn’t I believe in myself, how dare I take my own life, how selfish of me, and the voice back replied,

“I love you and am sparing your life, remember, life isn’t about things being easy, it’s about creating a testimony and healing others that are like me.”

The light quickly vanished as I woke up to hospital lights and doctors looking over me yelling it’s a miracle she’s alive..

First words out of my mouth is I’m spared!!

Moral of this post: Is to let anyone know Your life is Precious. Yes life will come with its challenges, and things may seem hopeless, but I’ve been there and know others you have also, and also some that didn’t make it.

Sometimes you only get one life so Face life with faith, live with no regrets, Stay positive and Always look for the good.

Written and Copyright By Nove