Are Open Relationships healthier than being Monogamous?

Are Open Relationships healthier than being Monogamous? Hey guys, welcome back to Nov-els. I have yet another story for you. This is a topic I have been seeing brought up a lot more lately than in past generations. However, this is not new, in some African cultures where it is allowed and often arranged to have more than one spouse it is often times more common for men than women to have multiple partners. It is found illegal in the United States and can be punishable under certain laws but we won’t go too much into the background as there’s several resources you can find across the web that can help you understand and guide you to this lifestyle if you chose to explore. In this blog I am just going to voice my opinions and experiences I have had while participating and being around Open relationships as well as being monogamous. So, let’s begin with what is Polyamory? According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, the definition is the state or practice of having more than one open romantic relationship at a time. There are a few other names that can also fit under this umbrella like Open relationships, Open marriages and Swinging just to name a few. And although when this conversation is brought up especially in the Black Community many people think Poly is just a sexual exchange. Having had my own experiences which many of times were in different ways; rather participating or choosing that lifestyle for my preference, in my opinion, it does not just mean sexual intimacy but also emotional and physical as well. Being around those who choose to live an open lifestyle with their partner and or monogamous, I see a bigger picture than just sexual encounters with different individuals. Surprisingly, I and those in the community know what the goal is and what is intended with each particular union and individual. Most will say they enjoy meeting new people, building and connecting new relationships, looking for a trio for family purposes to support in the home, and yes fulfilling different desires, fetishes or energy from another party other than their spouse. Got your attention? I consider myself a “Solo-Poly” which is defined as someone who has multiple intimate relationships with people but has an independent or single lifestyle. They may not live with their partners, share finances, or have a desire to reach traditional relationship milestones in which partners' lives become more intertwined, according to WebMD. Yea I know it sounds crazy, but this is a lifestyle I choose and have found my sincere happiness so far in. You’re probably asking “Why not be monogamous?” And the answer to that is I’ve always sought more when I was in a relationship, always felt like I was missing something. Not sure if it had something to do with me first being a woman, or me dealing with assault and rape from a man, but the crave for both has always been in me at a young age I just never embraced it in fear of what family and friends may think. It wasn’t until my first experience at a swinger’s party is when I noticed what I wanted and why and how happy I was from that night so I never looked back. I bet you’re wondering if I prefer men or women?

To be honest that’s a hard question. I love the masculinity of a man but love the softness and sensuality of a woman. They both bring two different feelings and when I have it together for me it’s like pure bliss even if it’s not sexual the mental stimulation heightens my senses a lot more. As I got older, I learned to love everyone, learned a lot about the community so I really go off energy and compatibility now.

Does this mean I don’t want to be monogamous? Absolutely not but my goal is to find someone who is confident and secure enough to be in a polyamorous/monogamous relationship with or open to explore other energies rather male or female. Open communication and transparency are the forefront of any relationship and I try my best to voice that with anyone I’m dealing with. I don’t expect everyone to agree or understand but I have explored my sexuality and sensuality for quite some time now and know what I want and what I’m looking for. Sounds like every man’s dream, right? Well, it isn’t because like I wrote before “This lifestyle isn’t for everyone”, being completely confident, secure and trustworthy is priority for a successful union or swap. So now the question of the hour “Are open relationships healthier than being Monogamous? Neither is better than the other in my opinion it all depends what you desire for yourself or if in a relationship/marriage. There are so many factors that can be involved in making that decision; family, friends, and spirituality to name a few. The only advices I can give is live and walk in your truth and know if you choose to date multiple people of the opposite sex do it safely. There is a community that will welcome you with open arms.

Get your panties out a bunch; I’m not knocking monogamous relationships or marriages. I get that it’s still seen as a traditional matter and respect that but to be in a healthy monogamous union it still involves communication, transparency, trust and love all of which the Poly and surroundings communities preach about. To sum it up, no matter the kind of lifestyle you choose, choose what’s best for you and your union. Do what makes you feel liberated and happy, bringing it closer to knowing yourself or partner. Shaming or bashing someone or group because they choose one or more partners shouldn’t be looked down upon especially in the African American community where it all started from. Live life and live it truthfully and safely.

A word from Nov-els thank you for reading. Please leave a comment sharing your thoughts and be sure to like my post if you enjoyed. Next blog I will be letting you all know my first experience I had with a married couple, you don’t want to miss. Love and Light Nove

March 2021